Confessions of a New Tunnel Flyer - Back Flying Made Easy

By Sandy Brooks

It can be more than a little disconcerting that your Instructor is able to do quadruple somersaults with pike with both eyes tied behind their back and still maintain a straight, even white smile and a cheerful demeanour.

In addition to this they have the ability to look good in a tightly fitted outfit even as their jowls are experiencing the effects of terminal velocity. Some humans get all the luck. Take heart though and believe that there is always hope (or so I am told).

Some of the stages which you may experience:

The Baby: On this occasion, the Instructor will quite literally carry you out of the tunnel cradled in their arms as though you were a baby. Be strong young Jedi, for this is all spart of the process.
The Wheel-barrow: Here, the Instructor will drive you out of the tunnel at the end of your time by holding your hands and driving you arse first toward the door. Trust me, this is a considerable advance on being driven arse first toward the camera (for all concerned). This links in with the following.
The Magnetic Camera: On this occasion you will find yourself heading toward the camera bum first. You can have faith that the Instructor will guide you back to a more central position, however, it would appear that there is a 3 Tesla magnet housed within the tunnel driving booth and that the flight suit has a strong ferrous component in the buttock region. Never a good look for punters of any degree, even those with a Gluteal factor of 10. (The Gluteal factor rates a seriously hot bum as 10 and ranges to the large/wobbly, hail damaged sumo factor of 0)
The Gyno: On this occasion you will be on your back with legs bent up at 90 degrees, and separated at 90 degrees. In addition to this position, your Instructor has a firm grip on both your ankles. As you gaze at your flight Instructor from between your knees, you are greeted by a big thumbs up. This sign indicates that you in fact in the correct position for back-flying. Most heartening in this playing field but also a little disconcerting for those unable to get their head around it (as it were).
The Two-up: So named because the term “come in spinner” seems fitting. This phenomenon occurs when the new back flyer makes their first lift off the net. Having become familiar with several methods of movement whilst on the safety of the net, upon launching takes on a broad range of directions including the very popular “spin cycle”.
The Spin Cycle: Once launching off the net, the new back-flyer assumes the motions one might experience within the confines of a top loading washing machine. As more modern machines utilise multi-directional technology, so too is it possible for the flyer to rotate in both clockwise and counter clockwise manoeuvres. Not forgetting that any Cartesian co-ordinates can include a third Z plane, so, adopting any variety of height levels can also be achieved with very little effort. The 4th dimension of time must also be taken into account particularly where cost is involved. (String theorists who believe in more dimensions, please just move along at this point. Too hard).

Something about the side slide on your back needs mentioning here. As one has no desire to waste time in the tunnel building muscle memory positions, it would seem like a sensible strategy to practise on the floor at home. The problems are 3 fold:

a) The pet dog sees that there is a face within licking range and takes full advantage.

b) A family member chooses that moment to walk into the room just in time to witness these contortions and say: “WTF are you doing?”

c) The phone rings and a stranger wishes to know if you are being serviced or wanting your bank details or some such crap, messing up your mojo.

Meanwhile, back in the tunnel: One might discover that whilst it is possible to extend your neck and continue looking toward the top of the tunnel, it is equally possible for the remaining components of the body to take on amoeba like qualities and morph off in another direction.

With regards to sign language; a word to the Instructors. It is good that you make your symbols clear, concise and understandable, but please, one thing at a time. When instructions are limited to a minimum you will reap more rewards I am certain. When I am asked to; “just think, knees closer together, feet further apart, forearms parallel to net, don’t tilt hips forward, chin tucked in, relax, straighten legs, bend legs”. This can be too much for some of us to physically assimilate. Some of us have too many body parts (or more correctly, the same number of body parts but more of each).

Always watch carefully when the Instructor demonstrates ever so slowly and gracefully how these manoeuvres are performed to the nth degree of perfection, making it appear so easy to any onlookers and leaving you looking like a complete nuff nuff. Just remember, one day, you too may be considered graceful.

In closing then, the big questions are:

New to back-flying?

Am I right here or is it just me?

Are there more points to add?

Would love to hear other opinions.

Oh and then there’s sit flying.....Watch this space!